completeconfusion

I had a good time at http://rtmark.com/projects/ today, a satirical happenings website. Here's the project I submitted:

FREE AUTOMATIC WEAPONS FOR THE POOR!

Code: fawp

Description:

Do the NRA one better! Get some cash together and create a gun-happy front organization to take the National Rifle Association's position to its logical extreme. Try to make the letters for this front organization say "RAA" (short for Reducto Ad Absurdum, and rhymes with NRA) if possible. (Let's say the "Rifles Automatically for Americans.")

Hand out lots of pamphlets and place newspaper advertisements from the "RAA" that offer free automatic weapons with boxes of amunition to every bonafide homeless person, together with time at a firing range free of charge, and of course shrewd advice such as: "Always aim low, since recoil will place your next shots higher than where you were initially aiming" and "Always fire at live targets which are lined up one behind the other if at all possible" and of course the classic: "Cross fields of fire; shoot not directly at, but along the lines of any large number of peop..., er, anything you happen to be shooting at, so you can drop the most targets with a single burst."

Actually give out at least a few guns (makes great TV even if the firing pins are welded.)

While you're doing all this, don't just keep a straight face, keep a stone face!

Idea courtesy of completeconfusion.com

But there's more! I also helped out others' projects with comments, helpful fellow that I am:

First I commented on a project to make neocolonial board games...

“Did this long ago sort of...”

I wrote up a two-page satirical spoof of traditional paper and board "wargames" with a science fiction colonial theme, complete with map and counters. In the game the colonial Tralmalfadorians (apologies to Kurt Vonnegut) fought the spear-carrying natives of a planet desired by the Tralfs. As in any war game there were "combat tables" and you threw a die to see the results of any combat. A result of 1-5 meant "Native troop unit completely destroyed". A roll of six meant "Native troop unit completely destroyed, however, Tralmalfadorian gunner slightly bruises his trigger finger." It was published in some very minor wargaming zine of the day, maybe thirty years ago. Thanks for the memories.

Then I commented helpfully on a petition to send the Statue of Liberty back to France...

Better, start a high-profile campaign to alter the Statue of Liberty "to better reflect the patriotic mood of Americans" by replacing the flame with an M-16 (or whatever they're firing these days.)

Now that ought to get a substantial reaction from the French than the “Freedom Fries” movement did! All in all, a good Saturday's work helping to create world unity.